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| HUMOR: Thar She Blows! |
| Cynda Green | 5/7/12 |
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Stink is in the air in Stinkwater Springs!
As long as I’ve lived in Stinkwater, it’s not surprising that most of the stink comes from the area surrounding the County Courthouse. But a new agreement between our Stinkwater Area Water and Sanitation District (SAWS) and the Town promises to spread the stink around. SAWS district manager Ed Whiffsome and Town manager Dudley Goodpenny worked tirelessly on the agreement, reportedly meeting at the waterfront Lagoons Bar & Grill near Yummyouchi Park.
The unprecedented agreement states that the Town will pump their sewage via a new high-tech sewage pipe seven miles uphill to the SAWS under-utilized VISA Sewage Treatment Plant. It’s a win-win situation for the Town, for SAWS — and for the Town Tourism Commission (TTC).
"The Town and SAWS will both surely save a bundle by combining their resources," said Mr. Goodpenny, with a wink. "The Town provides the poop free of charge, and SAWS gets to treat it. Such a deal!"
 But the real winner may be the TTC, which has coined the project the “Pipe Dream Trail”. It is speculated that, considering the elevation and distance the sewage must travel in its journey from town to the uptown VISA plant, sewage will take at least three days to make the journey, traveling 513 feet per hour.
According to Sam Purdy, world-renowned sewage expert and CEO of Pump-It-Up Consultants, sewage that travels for three days in a pipeline will create an odiferous gaseous aura that will need periodic venting along the way. Mr. Purdy recommends the use of pressure release valves every 2.5 miles to alleviate the possibility of an exploding pipeline.
The TTC Reservoir Hill Task Force got wind of this, and has begun promoting the new "Pipe Dream Trail" that will follow the path of the pipeline. Two "viewing points" replete with parking and concessions will allow visitors to experience the hourly gas geyser emanating from the new sewer pipeline.
"The more tourists in town, the better the geyser will be," said TTC chair Rob Smart. "We anticipate some tourists will spend an extra night in town just to visit this new Pagosa attraction, thereby increasing our lodging tax coffers".
The Town Tourism Commission is thrilled that the Town and SAWS are working together to “spread the stink around”, and are contemplating replacing Stinkwater’s current motto “Refreshingly Authentic” with “Distinktively Authentic”.
A free “Track your Poop” iPhone app is also in the works, and promises to be an additional tourism enhancement.
"The hope is, they'll stay for three extra days," beamed Mr. Smart. |
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